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Help! My Child is in a Mental Facility
Having a child in a mental health treatment facility can be overwhelming. This is true whether your child is hospitalized or placed in a highly structured group home / facility. After all this is your child, your baby you brought into this world. Or it could be a child you adopted with an open heart and a lot of love. In any case placement in a treatment facility can bring heart wrenching emotions.
Desperation
Placement raises questions such as: what did I do wrong? How can I fix this? How am I to blame? Is it because of the divorce? Did I fail to do something?
These and many other questions run rampant in the minds of parents all across this nation. As a parent the reality of placement brings with it a desperation to think over all the years and find a cause.
Alienation/Isolation
With a child in placement feelings of alienation are quite common. Other people wonder what is wrong with the child. This is sometimes spoken and other times just felt.
Other extended family members may not be able to handle the news. They may make accusations that you are a bad parent or did something to cause this.
Even within marriage there becomes isolation as each partner may handle the reality different. Some may talk, others shut down. Some accuse, blame, and yell. Others take on guilt and remorse.
Depression
The guilt, remorse, uncertainty, accusations can all lead to depression. This depression can lead the parent to walk through the placement in a daze or a fog.
There are outer triggers to depression as well. The schedule changes with the child in placement. The child does not come home at the same time if day. Appointments may need to be canceled. Holidays can be excruciating with a child in a facility. Also, just driving for visits can cause deep sadness at the reality.
Grief
Sadness, sorrow, depression, fear, insecurity, anxiety, relief, ambivalence, loneliness, jealousy (of other families), hypersensitivity, powerlessness, guilt, regret, feelings of unreality, shock, anger, frustration, helplessness.
These are emotions that fall under grief. It can cause crying, sleep changes, eating changes, stomach problems, fatigue, headaches, accident proneness,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], irritability, and out bursts.
Take Heart: You are not alone
Even though you may feel unique and alone you are not. There are millions of families that have walked in your shoes and you will make it through. NAMI is the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill. They have chapters throughout the nation. You can find them by going to [link widoczny dla zalogowanych][link widoczny dla zalogowanych].org or by calling NAMI's Helpline (1-800-950-6264).
Web forums are another place to find solace. By joining a forum related to your child�s mental illness you will gain insight and understanding from those who live with a similar disability.
Life coaches, therapists and religious leaders can all be a source of strength. A word of caution: make sure when you turn to a professional that it is someone not only knowledgeable about mental illness but also willing to support you, your strengths, and your ability to pull through this. You do NOT need someone looking for blame as a solution.
Take Heart: Treatment Placement is Temporary.
Whether your child goes into a mental hospital for a week, 3 months, or a long term facility for a year it can seem like an eternity or never ending. Sometimes due to insurance and availability a child will be moved around and the stay at one facility gives way to a stay at another. You need to remember this too shall pass.
Take Heart: Take Care of You
Make sure you keep up on the rest of your life. Get sleep. Get nourishment. Go to work. Get support. You need to stay strong for when your child returns home. Make sure you keep life as normal as possible for yourself, your partner, and any other children you have.
Get organized. Buy a notebook and keep good records of who, what, when, and where. You will find this is priceless as the years go on and memory fades. It will also help you keep the details straight. This will free up your mind and some of the concerns because it will not feel so chaotic.
Take Heart: Believe in your child
While this time is rough on everyone it is crucial that your child knows you do not blame him/her for being ill. Some mental illnesses cause people to act out in damaging ways. Forgiveness with accountability is the key to moving past unfortunate incidents.
Stay actively involved with and for your child. Make phone calls whenever possible, visit if allowed and if you have transportation, attend therapy together in person or in conference calls by phone, and write letters.
This is one of the difficult challenges in life to walk through. Remember you are not alone,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]. Remember treatment placement is temporary. Remember to take care of yourself. And most importantly believe in your child.